420 ftw
wanna go halves on a baby?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
