I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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