So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
