I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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