I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize