i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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