she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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