Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
