I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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