Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
