she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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