did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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