I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize