I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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