Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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