Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
