You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
