oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
