Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
