drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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