Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
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You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
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I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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