drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
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I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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