but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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