I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am puke
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
