you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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