forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
