ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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