If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
