dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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