A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
