If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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