I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
