afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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