Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I love having hate sex.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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