sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
