so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
