Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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