At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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