I think my vagina is haunted
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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