Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize