While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
