Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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