I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
