my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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