Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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