she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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