Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
