those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
