Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
