Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
