And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
