i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
