There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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