Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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