So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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