No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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