do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I forget how to act sober
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