Don't you send me to vm
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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