yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
