God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
