look no pants
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
