I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
