I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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