i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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