But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
