Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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