I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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