I hate all girls vehemently.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she pinky promised me she was 18
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
