My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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