Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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