It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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