I hate all girls vehemently.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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