Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
