why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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