i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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