just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
