so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
