I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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