quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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