shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
