you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
