Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
