I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
